Sample

The sight of a full-sized steam train on a roller coaster is probably one of the most amazing sights that would ever be seen. Alan stood excitedly underneath the gigantic hoop as the train began to accelerate down the final hill to achieve enough velocity to allow it to fully defy gravity and ‘loop the loop’.

The sound of the whistle and the rattle of the carriages strung behind was awe-inspiring — but the screams as it began to turn upside in the loop were what convinced Alan he wanted to give it a try. He quickly changed his mind, however, as a deluge of white-hot coals fell from the train’s firebox when the engine was completely upside down and fell onto the last carriage still entering the loop below.

The canvas roofing material instantly burst into flames, and the sight of the incendiary-endowed carriage now hurtling around the loop was like a small portion of a Catherine wheel.

The continued screams and the sight of the fire engine arriving to be strategically placed at the lineside — firmly changed his mind. When he turned to ask Tic whether the passengers would be okay, she answered with a simple shrug and a throwaway comment of, “I suppose so — That happens sometimes.”

Deciding that now would be a good time to suggest they headed towards London's Kings Cross train station before it got too dark, Alan's newly employed guides meandered into the cafeteria, intending to confer with Superintendent Plummer.

They found her in a side-room, deep in conversation with Toc. She looked splendidly dressed in her suit and tail. Impressively — you could see your face in her well-polished black boots.

Unfortunately, it was another, yet bearded face that was being reflected from above.

Malik jabbed Mason in the ribs with his elbow as they stood there transfixed. Mason coughed loudly with his hand to his mouth, “Excuse me, Superintendent,” So far — so good, he hadn’t fallen into the gender trap yet.

 “My colleague and I wondered if we could have a word?” He gestured with a thumb pointed at the back of the room, accompanied by what seemed like a nervous twitch of the head.

The superintendent turned towards him, after previously standing with her back to the constable, carefully admiring her reflection in a mirror as she swivelled round on her stilettos.

She sensed she had just heard Malik stifling a snigger. Plummer examined him closely and was unable to detect anything untoward. She simply sighed, then relaxed once more. The Superintendent was totally unaware that the young constable was holding his breath, frantically hoping he did not commit the same audible error again.

Superintendent Plummer had been sharing personal appearance tips with Toc. Mason wasn’t sure which one of them had suggested Plummer heavily waxing her moustache into two twisted points like a demented ringmaster. But he could definitely see Toc’s influence in the top hat that now adorned his superior's head, set at a jaunty angle positioned toward her left eye. It was an unexpected denim skirt, tipping the scales toward losing control of some liquid bodily functions.

Coughing uncontrollably, it sounded like both Mason and Malik had inhaled Mace and were losing the fight to retain their lungs. In an almost failed attempt to disguise the unrestrained outbreak of guffaws, bursting from their inflated sense of humour, each gasped heavily as they held one hand to their mouths while the other resided on their chest and knee respectively.

“Are you chap’s okay?” Asked a concerned Toc, “I sometimes can’t stop coughing after deeply inhaling the exhaust fumes from the fairground generators.”

Similar to someone pressing the mute button on a television remote control — instant silence filled the room, with three sets of questioning eyes staring at Toc awaiting qualification of her suicidal statement.

“I have swollen adenoids, the fumes open them up, clearing the airway. It's a matter of careful timing though…” She said in reflection, leaning her head to one side causing a gruesome loud popping sound.

Malik shook his head frantically as he shuddered, trying to clear the uneasy image of Toc sniffing exhaust pipes for medicinal reasons.

Changing the subject quickly, Mason spoke first and announced that they would soon be getting Alan aboard his next mode of transport just as soon as it was convenient for Tic and Toc.

Toc walked over to a bank of signal switches and selected one with an orange cloth cover draped over the top. Releasing and pulling the switch back towards her in one smooth action, they all heard an old air raid siren begin loudly wailing its one-note song with the volume rising exponentially.

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